Obtaining indifference

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ~Elie Wiesel

You can start a love with good intentions. Make no mistake, that’s exactly what I did.

I was just a kid out to prove the world didn’t drop off flat at the edge of my small town’s city limits. I had dreams as big as the sky and a belief all people were good and kind. Especially the man I brought home and called my very own.

It’s an accurate and true statement to say my marriage was not only lived, but survived. As day turned to night and the years passed, soon the babies came. An avid romance novel reader, I used to lay awake at night and secretly wonder to myself how the reality of my life could be so far from the romantic fiction of the pages I poured over. Even a tinge of romance would’ve kept the spark of hope alive for me. Right? No. But it might have made the inevitable prolongment more livable.

This young wife and mother grew up really quickly. I learned how to balance the unbalanceable. I righted wrongs that never should have been. And, I believed in my heart the opposite of love was in fact, hate.

Pure raw hate coursed through my veins. I felt sadness, anger and rage. I could not believe I had allowed my life to come to this. My children deserved fairytale parents. They deserved a world of fluff and fancy. Where their biggest concerns were not cemented in the tragedy of a crumbling family. I hated that I was part of a failing marriage and a failed love. I quickly came to believe sometimes love isn’t enough.

It wasn’t until the beginning of the end that I became awakened to the lesson of indifference. In learning how to truly live, survive and finally even experience real love – I learned how to learn to let go. To stop fixating on the failure. The anger. The ‘what should have, could have been.’

I have become a work in progress. There are still times when the facts of my life will bring me to my knees and the trigger reaction is to hate what has happened. To us.

It’s in those moments, I think of him and all he has taught me. And I think of the daisy. For when faced with adversity, the easiest thing in the world to do is give up. Hatred breaks you down. Makes you weak. If it hadn’t been for my before, I wouldn’t have the knowledge that I owe my life. And these experiences made me stronger. More determined to embrace life with eyes wide open.

I heard on the radio these song lyrics: "The best thing I finally learned about me was finding faith in ways, way beyond me... but I'm letting go and holding close to all the things that mean the most." ~Gloriana

  

Yes. I’m letting go. And I’m holding close, as tight as I can, all the things that mean the most.

Daisies bend. Not break. And the opposite of that former love, is finally indifference. 

Dance with me, 

~Daisy